A bunch of fortunes from a 1980s fortune file I found (see [[publish/technolush/m103]] for context): ``` "She's an enemy guerilla." - Soldier. "Good, I'll frisk her for bananas." - Pierce. " " <-- [cloaked tagline]> <OUT OF TAGLINES-time to reorder> ------------------ <Police tagline - Do not cross> ------------------- ===={ Never stand near a sneezing dragon. }==== ----> %\@ <---- Picasso smiley face! \.|./...\.|./...\.|./ <-- it's time to mow the tagline again.> 2 + 2 = 5 -- for sufficiently large values of 2. 2 rules for success: #1 Don't tell everything you know. 4 out of 5 people think the fifth person is an idiot! 6.66E2 -- Scientific notation of The Beast. 6 lost clusters occupying 49,152 bytes. Convert to taglines? (Y/N) 8 of 10 Americans suffer from hemorrhoids. 2 enjoy them? 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... (Bo Derek getting older). 10 GOSUB TAGLINE 10 PRINT "Waiter, there's a bug in my LOOP": GOTO 10 29A: The hex of the beast "42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?" 54% of all statistics are made up. No, make that 82%. 59th rule of acquisition: Free advice is seldom cheap. 100% matter. Mixing with antimatter will void warranty. 333 - The Beast at half-price! 666.1 - The bugfix of The Beast! 666F - oven temperature of the roast beast 667 - the Neighbor of the Beast "911 - If you are calling to report a murder, press 1..." 80666: The microprocessor of the beast. AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse. A bargain usually isn't. A beautiful theory, killed by a nasty, ugly, little fact. A black hole is God dividing by zero About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. "A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs." - Heinlein A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain. A day without sunshine is like night. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing... Ad nauseam: Too many commercials. A duel of wits? I hate fighting unarmed opponents! A feature is a bug with seniority. ...a fish by any other name can be sold at a higher price. A fool and his money... hey! Where's my wallet?! A friend is one before whom I may think aloud. Age and Treachery always beats Youth and Vigor AHA! I think you've got it! A hardboiled egg is hard to beat. Aibohphobia: The fear of palindromes. Ain't solitary, just stopped working with humans. A is for Amy, who fell down the stairs. "A joke...is a story with a humorous climax." - Spock A Jury: 12 persons who decide who has the best lawyer. Alas Poor Yorick, I think you're dead A little ignorance can go a long way. All my good taglines are at the cleaners. All of my best taglines are just a few characters too lon All taglines are currently busy. Please try again All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? A lot of history isn't fit to repeat itself. ALPO is 99 cents a can. That's almost SEVEN dog dollars! Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. A mighty oak is the result of a nut that held its ground. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. But I'm trying! A naked man fears no pickpocket. An apple a day keeps the doctor away - if you aim right. An authority is anyone who guessed right more than once. And now some feedback: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE And those men in white coats? Send more -- they were delicious! A new game - Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego's luggage? Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit. Antacid: What ants use to get high! Anybody that thinks I'm strange should meet you. Any morning you can walk away from is a good one. Anyone can get lost in a fog, but only *I* make my own! Any sufficiently advanced magic looks like technology. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. Anything stolen is pure profit. Anything that kills you makes you... well... dead. A pachiderm is irreliphant in today's society. APATHY ERROR: Do not bother striking any key. Apathy is... oh, who cares? Are you sure you want to format ENTERPRISE:? Data will be lost! ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done. As a child, I was an imaginary playmate. "As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing." As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950.... Ask a silly person, get a silly answer. "Ask me anything." "Anything?" "Thank you." A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor. A sword in the hand is worth two in the Stone. "A! talking! horse! ?" "He's Ed, Jim." A termite walks into a bar, and says, "Bartender?" Attend! The! William! Shatner! School! Of Acting! "Attila the Nun: A simple girl pledged to a life of brutality." Avoid that run down feeling. Stay on the sidewalk. A watched pot never boils? Try turning on the heat! Backup initiated: Insert disk 1 of 1362 ... Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay! Bad command or filename. Go stand in corner. Barnum was wrong. It's more like every 30 seconds. Baroque (adj): When you are out of Monet... Behavioral Psychology: Pulling habits out of rats. Beware! I have a reference book and I'm not afraid to use it. Big on NATURAL foods? 80% of people die of NATURAL causes! Birthdays are significant. Without them you're dead. B is for Basil, assaulted by bears. BITCHENAID - It's like totally the best diswasher, dude.. (Blink)(Blink) Simulated ANSI Graphics (Blink)(Blink) "Bones, it's Ensign Goodyear!" "He's tread, Jim." "Bother", said Poo, as he failed to lift the X-wing with the Force. "Bother!" said Pooh, as Chewbakka ripped him in half. "Bother," said Pooh as he reloaded. "Bother!" said Pooh, as he was blown out of an airlock "Bother", said Pooh when he couldn't think of a tagline. Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think. BREAKFAST.COM halted: Cereal Port not responding. Brought to you by the letters O and S, and the number 2. "But I like pineapple" said Tom, dolefully "But what if I'm a figment of MY imagination?" California has its faults... Calm down! It's only ones and zeroes... C**a**m**o**f**l***a**u**g**e**d*********T**a**g**l*i**n**e* Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?? Captain's Log: Same shit. Different sector. Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know. Cause of Death: CRC Error Check any two: [_] good; [_] quick; [_] cheap Chemists never die -- they just stop reacting. "Children of the night... Shut up!" -- Dracula Chocolate makes the world grow round. C is for Clara who wasted away Clap on! «clap clap» Clap off! «clap cla~.a~-%^{-'sw){NO CARRIER Classified Tag Line-Please Enter Password: Close only counts in horseshoes and lemonade or something... Cogito Eggo sum (I think; therefore, I am a waffle) Cogito ergo spud: I think therefore I yam. Conscience: the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking contentsoftaglinemaysettlesomewhatduringshipment. "Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." Cross Lassie with cantaloupe, get melon collie baby.. Curiosity killed the cat, but at first we suspected you. "Cyanide. Fester... as if we'd run out." - Morticia Addams "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline...." "Darts. It's like poker, but with sharp points." Dead-Again Vampire. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. \#DEFINE BUGS OFF; Deja Voodoo: Have I sacrificed this chicken before? "DEL *.*" - 100% file compression. "Did you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire!" Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before. Dinner: Dead chicken parts and some stuff from the ground Diplomacy: Saying "Nice doggy" until you find a rock... Diplomacy's the art of letting someone else have your way. D is for Desmond who was thrown from a sleigh Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse. Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. Do not curse the darkness, check your warranty. Do not disturb! Had enough trouble getting turbed in the first place! Do not open tagline. No user-serviceable parts inside. *** DO NOT WRITE BELOW THIS LINE *** FOR OFFICIAL SYSOP USE ONLY *** Don't believe everything you say. Don't bother pressing that key, there is no Esc. "Don't have a..." < Scream > Moooooo. "Whoops, too late!" Don't panic. Don't panic... ALL RIGHT, NOW PANIC! Don't panic, it's only ones and zeros... Don't question authority. It doesn't know either. Don't use blood for invocations -- you'll get hemogoblins. Don't worry what people think of you; they seldom do. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... Double the recipe? But my oven won't go up to 700 F! Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded! Dry Ice: A Carbon Dioxymoron Due to technical difficulty there will be no tagline at this time. Dust: Protective coating for furniture. Eau Contraire: the perfume for the perverse. ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo... Egyptian back doctors are cairopractors. "Eins, zwei, drei...fuenf!" Tom said, fearlessly. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach Emergency repair procedure #1: Kick it. Encrypted? No, I'm just a lousy speller. Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery! Energizer Bunny still missing. Search party keeps going, and going ... "Energize!" said Picard and the pink bunny appeared. Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue. Entropy isn't what it used to be. Epitaph: Your last chance to leave a good tagline. ERROR: ERROR: ERROR: {WHAP!} C:\> ERROR: LPT1: not found. Use pencil and paper. ERROR: This error message was issued in error. Please ignore. ERROR: Unknown Error on Unknown Device for Unexplainable Reason. Espresso: Just our little way of free-basing coffee. Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat. "Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?" Ever think about the fact that thorn bushes have roses? Every once in a while I feel that I am at two with the universe. Everyone hates me because they think I'm paranoid. Everyone's born right handed. A gifted few overcome it. Expert: someone just like you, but from out of town. FACT: Fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Feature: Computer bug with seniority Feel free to use the back of the screen if you need more room. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech Flattery will get you everywhere. Flattery works! Especially on brilliant people like you! Food comes first, then morals. For a reply send a self-abused stomped antelope to: Forewarned is forearmed... Which is about half an octopus. Four Food Groups: crust, sauce, toppings, cheese. Four out five people think the fifth is an idiot. Funny, I don't remember being absentminded. Gee Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore... Generally speaking, only *blank* minds truly think alike... Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers! Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . . . G is for George smothered under a rug Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler. Go ahead, but you get to clean it up! God is Real, unless declared Integer. "Good morning" is a contradiction in terms. Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200! Gotta go, the dogs are being too quiet. Gravity brings me down. Great minds think alike. Great minds think alike, and so do we! Haggis is defined, of course, as dining on a full stomach. "Happiness is a warm puppy" said the anaconda. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Headline: Tuna biting off Oregon Coast. Help! I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA. He's a renewable energy source for hot air balloons. "He's dead, Jim." "Damn it, Bones! He owed me money!" He's got bubbles in his think tank. He's got his own train of thought, and no one's aboard. Hi, my name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me! Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. H is for Hector done in by a thug. Hospitality: Making guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. "Housework, done properly, can kill you." -- Erma Bombeck How am I supposed to know what a rhetorical question is? How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is LOST??? How many witches to change a lightbulb? Depends. Into what? How Much Tag Could A Tagline Tag If A Tagline CouldTagTag I am Inigo Montoya. You stole my tagline. Prepare to die. I am NOT a number! I am a CHARACTER STRING! I am Smorgas of Borg. I came to see you off... and you certainly ARE!! I can't. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night. I'd love to, but I want to live to be old someday. I don't get even; I stay odd. I don't like this tagline. I want a refund. "I don't think...I know!" "I don't think you know, either..." I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto. I don't wanna work. I wanna bang on keyboard all day. "I dropped my toothpaste," Tom said Crestfallen. if a = b and b = c, then we've got a messed up alphabet If a dog's prayers were answered, bones would fall from the sky If all the world's a stage, I think the play is gonna be long! I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition. If it isn't borken, don't fix it. If it's fixed, don't break it. If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot 'em? If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL! If I were into denial, I'd never admit it. If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee. If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond? If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. If tin whistles are made of tin, what about fog horns? If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you. If you can't speak softly, just use the stick. If you don't risk anything, you risk even more. If you're insulted, it must have hit close to home. If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat. I got food poisoning today. Don't know when I'll use it, though. I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I had a psychic girlfriend, but she dumped me before we met. I had my car's alignment checked. It's Chaotic Evil. I hate 4-letter words!! cook...wash...dust...iron... I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it. I have read and understood the above. X_________________ I have seen the future and it is now the past. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. "I killed the Greek piper god", Tom deadpanned. I know it said press any key, but that one turned it off. I'll have to think twice before I give it a second thought. I lost Faith In Skepticism. It wouldn't work, anyway I love cooking my dogs and leaving out commas. I love the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. "I'm having an old friend for dinner." -- Hannibal Lector I'm having an out of money experience. I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it? "I'm not asz think asz you drunk I am, Ossifer!" I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not off-topic, I'm just on a different topic!. "I'm so modest, being modest is showing off!" I'm working on my 2nd million. Gave up on the first... I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. Incoming torpedoes have the right of way. I need some duck tape--my duck has a quack in it. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Insert new disk for drive C: Press ENTER when ready. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. "In toto" does =not= mean Dorothy's dog ate it! In two days tomorrow will be yesterday. I pride myself on my inconsistency! But only sometimes. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. "I see" said the blind man as he picked up hammer and saw Is fire supposed to shoot out of it like that? I tend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong. I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain. I don't like it. I think. I think I am. Therefore I am... I think. Ithinkmyspacebarstoppedworking. "I think not." said Descartes, and promptly disappeared. It is better to light the darkness than to curse a candle. It is later than you think. I took my kids to the children's zoo...but they wouldn't take them... It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is? Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters. "It's Ensign Schrodinger! He's half-dead, Jim!" --Dave It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. It's not what you say, it's what I think you said. "It's sulfuric acid. You're soaking in it." "AARRRGH!!" It's time for ALIEN! The game show where YOU'RE the host! It's very easy to be tolerant of things that don't matter It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow. It works better if you plug it in. It works better if you turn it on. It works! Now, if only I could remember what I did... I wasn't creating a disturbance; I was improving one. I wish I was more like I think I am. J is for James who took lye by mistake Just think of all the things we haven't thought of yet. Just when you think it's hopelessly broken, it works. Karaoke is a Japanese word meaning "Tone Deaf". Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. Keyboard: Instrument used to enter errors into computers K is for Kate who was struck with an axe Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either. Life after death? Is that like terminate and stay resident? "Life is full of little surprises." -- Pandora Life is what happens while you're making other plans. Life's a bitch, but the puppies are cute. "Lighten up, son, it's a joke!" - F. Leghorn L is for Leo, who swallowed some tacks. Look, it's trying to think. Lose not thy airspeed, lest the earth rise and smite thee. Manufracture: to produce items that break after little use. " " - Marcel Marceau Mary had a little lamb...the doctor was surprised... Math Problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] MAYBE, and that's final! "Maytag" is my middle name. I'm an agitator. "MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs) "Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" - Bart Simpson Mine. No, Mine. No, Mine! No, MINE! -*RIP*- ...Ours. M is for Maude, who was swept out to sea. Mondays are a rotten way to spend a seventh of your life Money can buy a dog, but only love makes her wag her tail Money is the root of all wealth. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong~]$^xE0@ NO CARRIER "My cousin's a fool, and thou art another." -- Shakespeare My horse got shot, so I had to break his leg.... My inner child can beat up your inner child. My mind kept wandering so I packed it a picnic lunch. My other car is still in the dealer's showroom. My other computer is a VAX. Nature hates a vacuum... and so do dogs. Never anger a dragon, for you are crunchy and good with brie. Never do something you can make someone do for you. Never give away for free what can be sold. Never label as malice what is explainable as stupidity. Never let a machine know you're in a hurry Never take a beer to a job interview! New and Improved...Now in chocolate and leather flavors. New restaurant on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere... Next time you wave, use all your fingers Nice argument; too bad it was killed by those vicious facts. N is for Neville who died of ennui NO CARRIER: A Navy pilots worst nightmare! No good deed goes unpunished. No, I'm not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant? No new mail for you. Want someone else's? Non-violent Star Trek - "Set phasers to tickle!" No one can think clearly with clenched fists. Normality is restored. Any problems remaining are your own. Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up. Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. Not Paranoid (enough) (yet...) Now THIS is a tagline! Obviously, the obvious isn't obvious to everyone. "Oh, bother!" said Pooh, and deleted his message base. "Oh Bother," said Pooh as Piglet sacrificed him to the dark gods. Oh, no! Not another learning experience! O is for Olive, run through with an awl. Old immortals never die, they just... well... they just don't. On a clear disk you can seek forever On a quiet night, you can hear a Ford rust. One backup is worth a thousand !:@#$%*:! words. "One grows tired of everything. Except power." --Doctor Who '\o.,@o.+:"/~!v <------Tagline Debris> Oooh, Toto, I don't think we're in DOS any more. OPEN THE REST ROOM DOORS, HAL. HAL! Never mind..... Operator, please trace this call and tell me where I am. Out to lunch - If not back by 5pm, out to dinner also. Pain is mandatory; suffering is optional. Parallelogram: a message from the next universe. Paranoid: One who is truly in touch with reality. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair People who think they know it all annoy those of us who do. P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl. Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball. Please let me know if you do not receive this. Posted opinions are not necessarily those of the Tagline. Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth. Power tends to corrupt. Absolute power is kind of neat. Prediction, you are reading a tagline right now! Press any key to continue....except THAT ONE!!!!! Press ENTER once to quit or twice to save changes. Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Puns are bad, but Poetry is verse. Purranoia: The fear your cats are up to something. [*] PUSH TO TEST. RELEASE TO DETONATE. Q is for Quentin, who sank in a mire. Question Authority -- Ask me anything! *.QWK, now available in Strawberry, as well as Chocolate Rabbit stew for dinner...it seems more than one of us can split hares! Radar: ECHO) ECHO)) ECHO))) ECHO)))) ECHO))))) Radar, stop working yourself into a froth over nothing. - Hawkeye Radar, watch the road. I'll do the smelling. - Hawkeye Radar, why are you waking my feet? - Hawkeye Radar will decide who sleeps with whom. - Col. Henry Blake Radar, you're talking in our sleep. - Trapper Radiator Shop: The best place in town to take a leak. Radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives. Radioactive Halibut makes great fission chips! Radiologist - a doctor with an interest in radios. Radiologists can see right through you. Radiology appointments are always catch as CAT scan. Radio playing our favorite song. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens Raining cats and dogs is better than hailing taxis. Rain is caused by moist air and weekends. Raisin: A worried grape. Random answers are my specialty! Random: deterministic in a way I can't determine. Random thought...okay, I'm done. Ran out of sick days..so I'm calling in dead. Ransom demand will be met. Just return the coffee pot. Rated PG-13 for its graphic description of reality. Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. - H Thoreau Rather than men in my life, I prefer life in my men.-Mae West Rational information in arguments not permitted here. Rats. I can't tell my gum from my silly putty. - Calvin Rats! I had another thought but it died of loneliness! Rats!! I woke up!! I swear this happens to me everyday. - Garfield Raw Data: A naked android. Raw uranium gives you atomic ache Rayban: Not a pair of sunglasses but a directive from the DS9 moderator Ray-tracing: What you see is based on how long you wait. Razzle needs Dazzle or it's too onesided Reached, surpassed, the level of my own incompetence. Read enclosed instructions carefully prior to opening. Readers of the lost .ARC Reading begets Reading Reading from an empty disk Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension. - Hobbes Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own. Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. Read the book "Anti-Gravity." I couldn't put it down! Read the instructions? Why? It seems to be working fi Read the manual? Doesn't it come in automatic? Read to difficult are sentences not the order in words with. Ready or not, here we exist. REAL computer users don't NEED menus! Real cross stitchers floss every day. Real funny Scotty. Now, beam my clothes down here. Real hackers never make typso. Reality check<click> #$%#$ NO CARRIER Reality failure. Press enter to continuum. Reality has limits; stupidity has none. - N. Bonaparte Reality in small doses is OK. But as a lifestyle it is too confining. Reality is a collective hunch! Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle Unix. Reality' is always plural and mutable Reality is the indefinite enumeration of objects. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. Reality is what one perceives is to be. No more no less. Reality is what you make it. Reality: The Nightmare you just awoke into. Reality - Where no man has gone before - Brochures available here. Realize that EVERYTHING is a cat toy. Realizing our legs were being pulled, we started kicking. Real knowledge is to know the extent of your ignorance. Real leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary determination. Really don't mind if you sit this one out.. Really now. Have you ever seen a house fly? REAL multitasking - 3 computers and a chair with wheels! Real Newspaper Headline: Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Real Newspaper Headline: COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES Real Newspaper Headline: DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE Real Newspaper Headline: ENFIELD COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE. Real Newspaper Headline: ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX Real Newspaper Headline: EYE DROPS OFF SHELF Real Newspaper Headline: Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Real Newspaper Headline: JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT Real Newspaper Headline: Kids make Nutritious Snacks Real Newspaper Headline: Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing Real Newspaper Headline: Man Steals Clock, Faces Time Real Newspaper Headline: MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH Real Newspaper Headline: Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni Real Newspaper Headline: POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS Real Newspaper Headline: SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM Real Newspaper Headline: TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS Real Newspaper Headline: WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE Real power comes out of wall outlets. Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. Real programmers design the microprocessor directly for the program. Real programmers don't need an OS. Real Programmers live on Coffee and Cigarettes! Real programmers load 100kb bootstraps from memory. REAL programmers run OS/2 on a Timex Sinclair. Real programmers snort Taster's Choice. Real programmers use COPY CON PROGRAM.ZIP REAL programmers use undocumented DOS calls REAL programmers write 4K GUIs. Real programmers write in machine code Real Sysops are NEVER satisfied with their systems. Real sysops are surprised when they receive donations. Real SysOps come up with original names for their boards. Real Sysops disconnect the speakers. Real Sysops don't need <yawn> sleep... Real SysOps have a batch file for EVERYTHING. Real Sysops have a clock card. Real SysOps have a fan on their computer at all times. Real SysOps have a room specifically for their BBS. Real SysOps have their own phone line without 'call-waiting.' Real SysOps keep their files in separate, logical sections. Real Sysops know how to spell. Real Sysops make their own ANSI welcome screens. Reasoning, Circular: See Circular Reasoning Recently not spotted on a bumper sticker: "I'd rather be grading" Recent studies show that recent studies are meaningless Recessive genes: Nature saving for a rainy day. Recognize the signs of spring. Recoinnoiter: To check for change in coin return slots. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Recorded in Stadskanaal, The Netherlands, Europe, Earth. Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery. recurse: (v) to swear again. i.e. "Damn that dog! Damn him!" Recursive: See Recursive. Recursive tagline error. See tagline for help. recursive Tagline. This is a recursive Tagline. This is a Recycle your 1984 calendars in '95 Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat, now that's bad for you. Red ship hits blue ship ... sailors marooned. Reduce crime in the streets - build more alleys! Reference Manual: An object that raises the monitor to eye level. Refreshment is irrelevant. Colas will be consumed in mass quantities. Refresh my memory: Which 'final warning' is this? Refrigerator: A place where you store the food before you throw it away. Refuel yourself in an atmosphere of righteous indignation. Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication! Refuse to be intimidated by reality! Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palindrome! Regardless of the situation, react with class! Register, and this annoying Tagline will go away. Regrets are illuminations come too late. -- Joseph Campbell. Regular hot dogs do not have fingernails. Regular or extra crispy, how do you want the environment? Rehumanize yourself! Reincarnation? You mean you wanna come back HERE? Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Relativity all depends on how you look at it. Relax and think things over - Life is pretty good, isn't it ? Relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights...! Relax! I'm only here for your hamster. --Death. RELAX.. It's only ones and zeros anyway Relax. Only dread one day at a time. Relax, otherwise you might die all tensed up. Relay-net messages echo WORLD-WIDE, twice a day.. RELIABLE SOURCE: Person starting slanderous rumour Relief Map: Directions to the nearest outhouse. RELY UPON THE ABOVE ADVICE AT YOUR OWN RISK! - Generic disclaimer - Remain insane, it's mainly in your brain. Remain open, flexible, and curious! Remain seated until this message comes to a complete stop Remedy for a FAT file: Take fewer bytes Remember, 6.02 x 103 avocados = 1 guacamole! Remember: 50% of the population is BELOW average in IQ! Remember: A day without sunshine is like night. Remember, any day above ground is a good one. Remember "Evian" spelled backwards is "Naive" Remember, extraordinary hardware demands extraordinary care. Remember Having fun is GOOD for you! Remember- If all else fails, read the instructions Remember if you change the subject, CHANGE THE SUBJECT HEADER! Remember - if your target is in range, so are YOU! Remember! If you still got shoes, It ain't really the Blues. Remember, if you win the rat race, you're still a rat. Remember... I have a head for these things. Remember, I'm a Scotsman, who drinks Scotch, not a Scotchman! Remember: Incoming Artillary Fire Has Priority...... Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. - Pink Floyd Remembering is for those who have forgotten. Remember - It's a dog eat biscuit world out there Remember...it's better to die having it than wanting it. remember: it's not your fault, and you're not alone. Remember, it's the early worm that gets eaten! Remember, it takes two to dance the tango. Remember, it takes two to play peekaboo. Remember, it takes two to share a kiss. Remember, kiddies: Just Say Thanks! Remember kids, don't try this one at home. Remember, let gravity be your friend! Remember, life is a game and no one gets out of the game alive. Remember: Live while you are still alive! Remember: Murphy is out there... waiting. Remember, never pet a stray tagline. Remember, no one can stop an earthquake. Shift happens. Remember: Only dead fish swim with the stream ... Remember! Only Forest fires can prevent bears. Remember, only left-handed people are in their right minds! Remember, only YOU can prevent ..... taglines! Remember: PASCAL can be cured if detected early. Remember, Reality is the leading cause of stress! Remember? Remember what? Remember: Somewhere, somehow - a Sysop is watching you. Remember - Strip mining prevents forest fires! Remember that a kick in the butt may equal a step forward Remember: That cute kitten is covered with dried cat spit Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. Remember that notoriety is the price of fame. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Remember that the customs of your tribe are not laws of nature Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you. Remember that the more you know, the less you fear! Remember that the person who steals an egg will steal a chicken. Remember that two wrongs do not make a right -- but that three lefts do. Remember, the 386 was DESIGNED to use OS/2. Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial! Remember, the current burger wars are making tacos cheap! Remember, the end never justifies the meanness. Remember: the floor is a safety zone; you can't fall off. Remember: The future is disposable. Remember the immortal words of Socrates: "I drank what?" Remember the old proverb, "Out of debt, out of danger!" Remember the ones who love you! Remember-the only rational thing to count on is people's irrationality Remember, the paper is strongest at the perforations. Remember the pj's with the feet? I have the feet. Remember this is for posterity, so be honest. Remember; to a computer, 1+1 = 10. Remember to end each sentence with a period Remember to PILLAGE before you BURN! Remember to thank your SYSOP on occasion! Remember to turn off the sound if your mind goes blank! Remember tubes? Remember... undocumented genealogy is mythology... Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU. Remember: USER is a four letter word. Remember, we're all counting on you! Remember, we were at one time, all newbies, agreed? Remember when 4K RAM encouraged efficient programming? Remember when 64k was a lot of memory? Remember when a hard drive was Route 66 between Barstow and Needles? Remember: Whenever you start something, be sure you fini Remember when people actually bought cards for the gum? Remember: When using a Bandaid don't forget to remove the white tabs. Remember: when using a Band-Aid, sticky side goes down. Remember when you could remember? Remember: wherever you go, there you are. Remember where you parked your drive heads. Remember You Are Not Immortal! Teach Your Kid To Cook Today. Remember - you don't have to be smart to be a SysOp. Remember, you never have enough memory or storage space. Remember, you read it here first. Remember, you're unique, just like everybody else. Remember: your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. Reminds me of some game I used to play . . . Reminisce..A brain function that searches for hidden files in old directories. Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad Remorse: Send it again, Samuel! Remote computing does not mean a mouse with a 9 foot cord. Removal of this tagline is prohibited by law. Removal of this Tagline is Punishable under Canadian Law Remove tagline by pulling this string/\/\/ Remove tongue from cheek before chewing. Ren, I Can't Find My Pants! - Stimpy. Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying. Ren & Stimpy for President! Rental Car: The only TRUE all-terrain vehicle. Repartee: an insult with a suit and tie on. Repel them, expel them, compel them to retreat! Repent all ye 2400 baud modems, the end is NEAR! Repent all ye 14400 bps modems, the end is NEAR! Repent and return those library books. RePentium: The replacement chip for the Pentium Repent! The horrible eye of Jupiter has come to devour Earth! Repetition is always better the second time. Replace user to continue. Replace with same type. Replying doesn't take as much time as choosing a tagline. REPLY NOT REQUIRED. REPOSE, v.i. To cease from troubling. Reproduced without permission. But weren't we all? Reproduction strictly prohibited. Repunzel, Repunzel - turn on your modem. Reputation is character minus what you've been caught doing. Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. Reputation wouldn't know its character if they met on the street. Requiem for a deleted user. Required battery assembly included. Research: Doing battle with ignorance. Research has found that research causes cancer in mice. Research has now proven that living is the leading cause of death. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. - Wernher von Braun Research is when you steal from 100 books. Research: What I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. Research: When you look for something twice. Reserved for future mistakes Reserved for Wicked Witch, violators will be toad. Reset line is glitching. Resistance is assimilated. You will be futile. Resistance is futile. But do it anyway, it gets good ratings. Resist everything but temptation. RESOLUTE, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve. Resolving to do what I can do well, and then take a nap. Res omnia mea culpa est. (Everything is my fault.) Resonate and stay terminal Resort: A place where the tired grow more tired. Resources, brains, paranoia. That's how things get done. Respect, bah! It's more fun to make people afraid. Respondez S'il Vous Plait. Responsibility is the price of greatness. -- Churchill Rest and Exorcise can make you a healthy person. Restaurant smoking section: like having a peeing section at the pool. Rest is a good thing, but boredom is its brother. Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. Results may be unpredictable. Results of your IQ test have come back. They are negative. Retired teachers have no class at all. Retirement: Twice as much husband, half as much money. Retreat, hell! We're just fighting in another direction. Retreating enemy are just falling back to regroup and counter-attack. Retribution will be yours. Retteb gnitteg s'ti timda ot evah I Returned for regrooving. Return empty to any Southern Railway agent Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear! Reunite Pangaea! Cash donations accepted. Revenge is a dish best served cold. It is very cold in space. Revenge will put the bloom of health in your cheeks. Reverse-engineering is the sincerest form of flattery. Reversing entropy is everyone's business. Revive the Saturn V! Revolt against awkward/ugly software. Revvinglon: To put on makeup at a stoplight. Reward for a job well done: more work Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? RHUBARB(n): bloodshot celery Rice is nice but candy is dandy. Rice Krispies and Beer. The breakfast that goes snap, crackle, burp! Riches enlarge, rather than satisfy appetites. - Thomas Fuller Rich: Having Swiss money in an American bank. Rick, this is a hand phaser. Stunning, isn't it? Ricky don't lose that number Riddle me this, Batman Ride The Wave! Ride wanted off-planet. Will share driving/exp. Ridicule is the burden of genius. Riding that train... Riding your bike on ice is not as exciting as planning it. Rid yourself of doubt, or should you... Right behind me, and gaining ground! Righteous Program, Dude! Right! I run System V on my VIC-20! Right MATE, I'll just throw another Ken on the Barbie! Right now, a little boredom wouldn't come amiss. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time Right now is the depreciation of reality. Right now, it's cold where someone you love is. Right now, it's nicer in Cabo Right now, justice is being perverted. Right now, light from an m-16 has just hit the Earth Right now, nothing is more expensive than regret. Right now, oysters are being robbed of their sole possession Right now, people are eating pigs for lunch Right now, science is building a better Tomato/Potato Right now, she is going on with her life. Right now, time is having its way with you Right now, we must be going. Right now would be a good time to postpone everything. Right now, you aren't doing what you most wish you were Right now, you could be outside Right now, you need a bigger tv Right now, your computer is on. Right now, youth is king. Right on! Right on dude! -- Butthead Right or wrong? That's intolerant! Right or wrong, what's done is done. Right program, wrong parameters. Right Said Spock: I'm too sexy for my ears. Right theory, wrong universe. RIGOR MORRIS - The cat is dead. Ringleader: The first kid into the bathtub! Rings of Saturn are made entirely of lost airline luggage Rise from life as a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken. Risen from obscurity and headed for oblivion. Rise Robots Rise rm -rf means never having the chance to say you're sorry ROAD CLOSED. Watch out! screech==)-(*&^.. NO BARRIER Road Kill Cafe - "No Meat Too Flat To Eat" Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Asphalt Armadillo Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Centerline Bovine Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Chunk of Skunk Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Lamb Wham Bam Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Mystery Meat Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Outta Luck Duck Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Pavement 'Possum Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Rigor Mortis Tortoise Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Road Toad a la Mode Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Swirl of Squirrel Road Kill Cafe - "Where the Elite Meet to Eat Street Meat" Roadkill Cafe: "You kill it, we grill it!" Roadkill: Vehicularly-compressed maladapted life form. Road maps tell you everything except how to fold them. Road sign: "Next mile, 1 mile" Road Signs = "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers." Roared round the palace: "Liberty or death!" Rochester (NY) has five seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, Winter. ROCK IS DEAD! Long live paper and scissors! Rocks: The original unfinished furniture! Roger, Roger. Roll in the haystack and you won't have to LOOK for the needle! Roll the windows down, turn the radio up... ROM wasn't built in a day. Roofer faces involuntary manslaughter after eavesdropping Roofpreader for hire, cheap! Rose are Red. Violets are Blue. The Klingons are here. So long to YOU! Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. - Shakespeare Rosenfield's Regret: The most delicate component will be dropped. Roses are red, violets are blue...SVGA helps, but not with the hue. Roses smell better than onions but make bad soup Roughing it is television without cable. Round and round and we won't let go.. Round up the usual suspects.--Casablanca Rowing so much hurts my hands, said Tom callously. Rub-a-dub-dub, 3 men in a tub. My! How unsanitary! Rubber bands have snappy endings! Rubber Chicken in '96! Rubber Chickens always let you win at Monopoly. Rubber Chickens amuse your children. Rubber Chickens are always glad to see you. Rubber Chickens are good listeners; They keep secrets. Rubber Chickens are good, wholesome fun. Rubber Chickens aren't hard to identify in a police line-up. Rubber Chickens aren't very good at chess. Rubber Chickens aren't very good at freeze tag. Rubber Chickens can't be bludgeoned to death. Rubber Chickens DO NOT like fire. Rubber Chickens don't make a mess. Rubber Chickens don't make a very good meal. Rubber Chickens don't snore when they sleep. Rubber Chickens eat very little. Rubber Chickens hate country music. Rubber chickens have rights, too! Rubber Chickens laugh in the face of Death. Rubber Chickens lay those little plastic Easter Eggs. Rubber Chickens like to cuddle. Rubber Chickens like to lay around. Rubber Chickens make superb sysops. Rubber Chickens never argue. Rubber Chickens never bite. Rubber Chickens sleep all day. Rubber chickens will defend you if you torture Barney VERY slowly. Rub-off Tagline, Win valuable Prizes! Rudolf the red knows rain, dear... Rule of Thumb: Finish with the same number of fingers you start with. Rule out incompetence - THEN suspect conspiracy. Rules and models destroy genius and art. Rules are guidelines to the wise, laws to the fool. Rules? You mean FidoNet has *rules*?! Rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated. Run a lot, do a lot, never be lazy, boy! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run for your lives! The moderator has been sighted! Run into much traffic on the way over? Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics. Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. Run rabbit, run. Dig that hole, forget the sun.. - Pink Floyd Run! Run for safety, foolish pedestrians! Runs, ducks and weaves, cackling hysterically into the night Runs squares around the competition. Rushing through the cold night air... Rust never sleeps. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it. Save the whales -- they make great leftovers! Saw a car so decrepit, called it "Puff, the Tragic Wagon" "Say something warm and mushy." "Oatmeal!" Say the best. Think the rest! Scratch and Sniff- ************** Smells like glass, eh? Shin: Device for locating furniture in the dark. S is for Susan, who perished of fits. Slay foul maidens, and rescue fair dragons. Some days I think I'm a wheel short of a unicycle. "Some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps." Some people act crazy; others aren't acting. Sometimes even the simplest things don't make sense... Sometimes problem I words order the in have getting a right. Some trees are made of wood. So are the rest of them. :-) Sorry, I can't argue unless you pay for another five minutes. "Space tells matter how to move; matter tells space how to curve." Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. - Yugoslav Proverb Speed doesn't kill, running into slow things kills. Speed kills. Slow just infuriates. Speed Monitored by Radar ... O'Reilly Strip mining prevents forest fires. Support the 3 day weekend. Ban Mondays! Support your local medical examiner. Die strangely! Sure my system is secure. It just locked up again. Sysoping-More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer. --T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E-- Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking. Tagline dispenser temporarily out of order. ?tahw woN .ksid eht pu dekcab I yakO... Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. Take with sufficient quantity of chocolate. Telegant: looking good on TV. That guy Ibid, he thinks he knows everything! That's very cute. BLAM! I hate things that are cute. That which does not kill me makes me stranger. "The BBC would like to apologize for that last apology." The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut. The bigger they are, the harder they hit. The books that help you are those which make you think. The cat is domestic only as far as it suits its own ends. The dance never ends, just changes. The doors of Truth are guarded by Paradox and Confusion. The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese. The early bird still has to eat worms. The Earth is like a tiny grain of sand -- only bigger. The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear - Gandhi The gene pool could use a little chlorine The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism. " ." -- The Invisible Man The man who has everything should be quarantined. The more things change, the more they stay insane. The OFFICIAL tagline of the 1996 Olympics! The older you get, the less stupid your parents become. The only self cleaning thing in this house is the cat! The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. The person who thinks he's perfect, IS. A perfect fool, that is... The real world is only a special case. There are exceptions to every rule, including this one. There are no stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions. There exist minds which think as well as you do, but differently. - The refrigerator light DOES go out...Now let me out of here!! There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck. There is no such thing as a useless piece of information. There's a fine line between an open mind and an empty head. There's a light, a light, in the darkness of everybody's life. There's a plot afoot to make me think I'm paranoid. There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure The riskier the road, the greater the profit. The road seldom taken may lead almost anywhere. The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers. Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. The solution to any problem tends to change the problem. The sun is really a star, but fools us by shining in the day. The trick is to make yourself your own respected authority figure. The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off! The tuna doesn't taste the same without the dolphin! The way some people find fault - you'd think there was a reward. The way to a man's heart is through the sternum. The Wise admit their errors and learn; Fools defend them and stagnate! The word is given, and that word is..... NIH! They're coming to take me away HAA-HAA HEE-HEE. They'r- Uh-Oh. They who drink beer will think beer. "Things don't bug you if you don't think about them." -Calvin Think and you won't sink. Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures. Think carefully before wishing, it might just come true. Thinkers have working hypotheses; only fools have truth. Think hard now! Which one is Shinola? Think "HONK" if you're a telepath. THINKING HURTS, it may lead to unpleasant truths! Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best. Think it can't get worse? You're overlooking something! Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought. Think much, speak little, and write less. Think of all the people on the Titanic who passed on the dessert cart! Think of it as evolution in action. Think you can hold off a vampire with a sunlamp? Think you're confused? Wait till I explain it. "This chicken has no beak," said Tom impeccably. This is just one humble opinion, collect the whole series. This is not a tagline. It's just highly coincidental line noise. This is off center. This is starting to get interesting, don't you think? This is strange...very strange.....I like it.... This is the first message of the rest of your day. This is your brain. THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON CHOCOLATE! This message would have been longer, but the Sysop bars profanity. This night methinks is but the daylight sick. This statement has no formal proof. This statement is a lie. This tagline closed for remodeling. Reopening soon. This tagline is identical to the one you are reading. This tagline uses advanced Object Oriented technology. This tagline was blank before you looked at it. This tagline was cruelly tested on cute, fuzzy, adorable little animals Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Throw the salt and shout "Go away bad things!" Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like pears. Time is just one damn thing after another. Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students. Time when you're all alone, all you do is think. T is for Titus, who flew into bits. To a cat, "no" means "not while i'm looking". To be or not to be... What a stupid question. To boldly go where no sane person has any business..... "To cook well, learn all about spices", Tom said sagely. Today can't catch tomorrow. Today's subliminal message is . To err is human; to moo, bovine. Tolerance: Most effective if used internally. Torture data enough and it will tell you anything. "Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore..." Toto, I don't think were online anymore%$#^@# NO CARRIER Tree falls and hits Milli Vanilli: Someone else screams. Troubleshooting Shortcut #1: Shoot the Trouble. Trying to decide between two evils? Take both! Try this. I haven't tested it, but I think it will work. Two choices for dinner. Take it or leave it! Two Limbless men hanging over your window? ..... Curt 'n Rod! Two more brain cells and he could form a synapse...... Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen and Stupidity. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make a plane. U is for Una, who slipped down a drain. Ummm, Excuse me but I think you dropped your CARRIER. Unbreakable = Breaks in a way never expected. Unknown to the Wicked Witch, the squirt gun was loaded. USER ERROR: PLEASE REPLACE USER Veni, Vidi, Vroom. (I came, I saw, I sped away.) Verbing Weirds Language Verily I say unto you, doowah diddy, diddy dum diddy doo! Victims are usually victims before they become victims. Virtue is its own punishment Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally. V is for Victor, squashed under a train. VOID wilVOIDpear in tagVOIDif tamperiVOIDas occuVOID. WANTED DEAD AND ALIVE: Schroedinger's cat.... WARNING! No user serviceable characters in this tagline Warning: This product attracts all other matter in the universe. Watch where you go... remember where you have been. Ways to skin a cat: #27 - Use an electric belt sander... We all live in a yellow subroutine. We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been... We can't fix it, so document it as a feature. We got plenty of youth! What we REALLY need is a Fountain of Smart We have met the enemy, and he is all yours! W-E-H-T-H-U-R: Worst spell of weather in months! Weird is a relative term Welcome to the information surface streets! Welcome to the Primordial soup and salad bar. We learn from history that we do not learn from history. We must believe in free will. We have no choice. We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him. We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing. Went outdoors yesterday. It's very big. We replaced the Dilithium crystals with Folgers... What color is a chamelion on a mirror? What did you get on your IQ test?...Drool? What doesn't kill me had better be able to run damn fast Whatever you do comes back to you. Threefold. What goes around often gets dizzy and falls over. What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? What if there were no hypothetical situations? What makes you think you're going to get any sleep? What the heck happened here??!! What we have here is a failure to commun%#^$) NO CARRIER When all is outlawed, outlaws will have all. When all think alike, then no one is thinking. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cev When everybody's out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking. When everyone thinks alike, then everyone is stupid. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. When in doubt, throw a fireball at the guy in the back. When in doubt, use more thermite. When I think of all the good times I wasted having fun. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; given prunes, make do. "When two patterns combine, in a way serpentine, that's a moiré!" When you're not looking at it, this tagline is in Greek. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray... Where subtlety fails us we must simply make do with cream pies. Whhhhooooo spillllled CCOKE ON MY KEyboardddddd? Which came first, chicken salad or egg salad? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? Why bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you! Why did Shakespeare use so many famous quotations in his work? Why don't comfortable chairs become valuable antiques? Why do people say they get on a plane, I want to get in! Why do you park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway??? Whywon'tmyspacebarwork?Ihateitwhenthishappens! W is for Winnie, embedded in ice. Writing to Washington won't help...he's dead! ((wrong && wrong) != right) X is for Xerxes, devoured by mice. Yeah, I love cats too...want to trade recipes? Yesterday was the deadline for complaints. Y is for Yoric, whose head was knocked in. YOU ARE HERE-> (Where did you think you were?) You can lead a man to ponder; you cannot make him think. You can never have too much infinity. You Can't Free A Fish From Water. You can't unscramble eggs. You don't get harmony when everyone sings the same note. You got to know when to banish, know when to vanish... You have the right to remain silent, USE IT You keep saying that, I don't think it means what you think it means. You know a barnacle's happy by the ship-eating grin. You never get there - cuz when you do, you're here. You only get six fouls per game. Make them count. You only have a problem if you think it is a problem. You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained. Your boss is thinking about you. You're all just out to get me because I'm paranoid! You're just an old goat who thinks he's a kid. "You're just in denial." "I am not!" You're not from Earth, are you? You're so vain I bet you think this tagline's about you. Your lucky number has been disconnected Your raise will become effective as soon as you do. You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think. You think you have problems! Murphy lives with me! You've taken a vow of silence? Tell me about it! YOU WONT MAKE IT OUT OF THIS WORLD ALIVE!!! hahahahahahah Z is for Zilla, who drank too much gin. ```